Ghost Story
by androidilenya
Summary: Bellatrix and Sirius. A songfic to the song 'Ghost Story' by Sting. Not an incest story. A... cousins story. Set during the fifth book, with flashbacks to the earlier in the fifth and pre-series time. After his death, Bellatrix looks back on her relationship with Sirius. Complete.


**Song: 'Ghost Story'**

**Artist: Sting**

**Please listen to the song. It's one of my favorites and it might help you understand the fic more...**

** Pairing: Bellatrix&Sirius. NOT an incest story despite the fact that it is a love song. Just... a cousins story. A frienemy story... ish. Oh, what the heck, just read it. And review, please. The italicized parts are flashbacks to when Bellatrix was in Azkaban/after the fight in the Ministry... and other times, I guess...  
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_**~I watch the western sky, the sun is sinking...~**_

Bellatrix Lestrange sat in her sister's living room, toying with her wand. From upstairs she could hear the creak of floorboards as Narcissa paced back and forth.

Ever since the incident at the Ministry, neither of them had been able to sleep much.

The fire flickered, sparks flying as a log settled. It was one in the morning, and there was a cold wind coming through the drafty windows. The shadows cast on Bellatrix's face made her look even more gaunt than usual, her eyes appearing as dark holes in her face, which was little more than a pale blur in the wavering light.

A creak on the stairs made her look up. Narcissa stood there, one hand on the banister and long blonde hair falling over her pale face.

"Couldn't sleep, Bella?" she asked, smiling faintly.

"No."

Narcissa joined her, sitting down in an armchair next to Bellatrix. "I wonder how Lucius is doing..." she murmured, so softly that she could have been talking to herself.

Judging by how Azkaban had been for _her_, Bellatrix really couldn't think of anything helpful or comforting to say.

_**~... the geese are flying south...~**_

Fifteen years earlier, Azkaban:

_The island fortress loomed above her as the Aurors shoved her through the gates. The chill aura of the dementors settled around her, making her shiver involuntarily._

_One of the Aurors noticed this and chuckled mirthlessly. "Better get used to that. It's not like you're gonna be leaving here any time soon."_

_Bellatrix repressed the urge to snarl at him, instead retreating into haughty silence. There was no point in wasting her energy on these idiots, when she would need every scrap of her perseverance to get through this for the Dark Lord._

_As they started to pull her down the corridor, she shook off their hands. "I can walk," she spat. And walk she did, all the way down the narrow stone corridor to where her cell awaited. The distant screams of her fellow inmates echoed off the merciless walls and water dripped from the ceiling, forming puddles on the floor._

_They reached her cell. As the Aurors unlocked the heavy iron door, Bellatrix caught a glimpse of the man in the cell next to hers. __Wild black hair framed a hollow face with deep-set grey eyes that looked remarkably like her own, only haunted by misery and loneliness. It took several seconds for her to recognize him, even though they had played together as children. By the time she did, the Aurors had wrenched open the door and shoved her in, sending her sprawling on the floor._

_"Sirius...?"_

_The instant the words were out of her mouth she regretted saying them, regretted letting such a weakness show. Why... why should she feel like she to acknowledge him at all? It had to be the surprise of seeing him after so long. That was the only explanation._

_**~...it sets me thinking, I did not miss you much, I did not suffer...~**_

"Bella..."

"Yes?"

"Do you think Lucius will be okay?"

A spike of anger shot through her. "Is that all you care about? Your precious husband?" She stood up, shoving her wand into her pocket. "I'm so tired of your moping about the house, crying all night... just move on, will you? It's hardly as though he's dead. You should be devoting your energy to more useful things."

Narcissa's bottom lip trembled. "Bella..."

"Shut up." Bellatrix turned and stormed up the stairs, into her tiny bedroom at the end of the hall. Slamming the door, she collapsed onto her bed, sighing.

_**~...what did not kill me, just made me tougher...~**_

Fifteen years earlier, Azkaban

_"Who's there?" _

_The hoarse whisper startled Bellatrix. Had her cousin always sounded like that, or was that the effect that Azkaban had on people?_

_"Sirius?"_

_"Who'__s there?" h__e pressed, sounding suspicious._

_"...me. Bellatrix."_

_"Bellatrix?" He sounded surprised, and she could detect a hint of hatred entering his voice. Well, that was only understandable... after all, he had been on the Order's side, fighting against the Dark Lord, while she had been one of His most faithful followers._

_**~...I feel the winter come, his icy sinews, now in the firelight, the case continues...~**_

_"Don't you remember me?" she asked, shifting on the cold stone bed. Hearing a semi-familiar voice was doing a lot to keep the dementors' influence a bit removed, but it was getting dark and she could feel hopelessness creeping into her brain. Still, talking to an enemy kept a steady flame of hatred burning in her, which kept her mind relatively clear._

_"Of course I remember you." Sirius' voice was getting ever so slightly stronger as well. Perhaps human contact was helping him just as much as it was helping her. In that case, this could be a mutually beneficial situation. She was willing to stoop even this low if it meant keeping most of her sanity. After all, it was likely that the Dark Lord had little room in his ranks for someone who was crazy._

_"Why are you here?" she asked. "It's hardly as though you ever served the Dark Lord."_

_"Tell that to the Ministry," Sirius said._

_"That makes me sick. I'm nothing like you. How dare they act like you ever served the Dark Lord as I did?"_

_"That's right, I'm nothing like you and I'm _proud_ of it," he spat. "I'm nowhere near as evil as you."_

_Bellatrix stood up, furious. "You are a disgrace to your pure blood! Why is it that you've never been able to understand that it is our... our_ destiny_ to rule the world?"_

_He didn't reply. _

_She stood there, breathing heavily. As the silence drew on, she became more and more aware of the dementors gliding up and down the hallway. Shuddering, she picked up the thin, ragged blanket they had given her and wrapped it around herself._

_**~...another night in court, the same old trial...~**_

Thirty-five years earlier, 13 Grimmauld Place

_"One month from now and I'll be going to Hogwarts," Bellatrix bragged, sitting in the middle of her aunt's bed. Narcissa and Andromeda were on her right, the younger girl sucking on her thumb. Her cousins were there too: Sirius gazing moodily out a window and Regulus hanging on every word Bellatrix said._

_"What House will you be in?" the young boy asked, eyes wide and shining. His brother glanced at him and scowled before turning back to look out the window._

_"Slytherin, of course." The little boy was her favorite relative. One day he would go on to be great, no doubt. Unlike his older brother, he had the makings of a fine pureblood. "All of the Black family has gone to Slytherin," she pointed out, stretching out on her aunt's bed. Narcissa lay down next to her, yawning. _

_"Bella, I wanna go too," she whined. Bellatrix rolled her eyes._

_"Not for a few more years, Cissy," she replied patronizingly. _

_Her little sister pouted for a few seconds before turning to Regulus and asking, "I bet you can't get me a cookie from the kitchen."_

_"Can too!" The little boy scrambled up and flew down the stairs. Narcissa muffled a giggle._

_Sirius stood up, a scowl on his face. "You guys are annoying. I'm going."_

_"Oh, are you too _good_ for us, Sirius?" Bellatrix taunted. "Or is it just that you can't bear to be around us, since you're a disgrace to this family?"_

_Sirius whipped around, glaring at his cousin. "Shut _up,_ Bellatrix."_

_She smirked, sliding off the bed to stand in front of him. "You're too weak. You're probably a Squib, anyways, so-"_

_"I'm hardly so weak I can't beat you in a fair fight!" Sirius launched himself through the air, knocking into Bellatrix with surprising force. She found herself thrown against the wall, breath driven out of her. Gasping for air, she raked her fingernails across Sirius' face in an attempt to get free. He grunted in surprise and pain, loosening his grip on her._

_Bellatrix spat at him, pulling out her brand new wand. "_Stupi-"

_"Bellatrix Black! You put that wand down this instant!"_

_Mrs. Black stood in the doorway, grey eyes dark with fury. Bellatrix cowered as her mother loomed over her and snatched the wand out of her hand. "Attacking a fellow pureblood is the highest form of treason possible, Bellatrix. I had better not hear of you doing this _ever_ again, understand?"_

_Bellatrix raised her chin defiantly. "_He's_ not a true pureblood. He's a _disgrace_. I heard you and Auntie saying that yesterday-"_

_Her mother slapped her across the face. "Shut up. _You're_ the disgrace right now, acting like this. Apologize to your cousin."_

_She turned to Sirius, a sullen expression on her face and blood trickling down her cheek from where her mother's heavy silver ring had cut her face. "I'm sorry, Sirius."_

_She didn't mean it, and she could see that he knew it._

_**~...the same old questions asked, the same denial...~**_

Bellatrix stared out the window, not seeing the gloomy gardens of Malfoy Manor. Instead, the laughing face of her cousin swam before her, Sirius's defiant mockery of her... right before she killed him.

_Was there anything else I could have done? _Bellatrix wondered, shivering.

There's always something else you could do, she answered herself.

_No, there isn't. The Dark Lord needed me there and if I had not killed Sirius..._

He would still be alive. Another pureblood to carry on the name of Black. Oh wait... he was the _last_ one that could've carried on the name.

_Shut up._

Telling yourself to shut up, now, are we? I'm just your conscience, you know. And all I'm doing is telling you the truth.

"Shut UP!" Bellatrix hissed, covering her ears, even though she knew that that would do nothing to stop the voice of doubt, the voice of guilt that had lived inside of her ever since that day at the Ministry.

Talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity, you know. Though you've no doubt passed the _first_ sign of insanity by now.

"Shut the hell up-" Bellatrix drove her fist through the windowpane in a sudden burst of fury, glass shattering, shards embedding themselves in her hand. Blood dripped from her knuckles as she sat down heavily on the bed, holding the injured hand. Cold air from outside leeched away any warmth that might have been in the room as a single tear slid down her cheek.

**_~...the shadows close me round, like jury members, I look for answers in the fire's embers...~_**

Fifteen years earlier, Azkaban:

_"Why did you do it?" _

_Bellatrix jerked upright, startled by the sudden noise. After at least a month of silence, Sirius had initiated a conversation for the first time since she had arrived on the island prison. "Do what?" _

_"Torture the Longbottoms. Kill all those people. You know."_

_"Because the Dark Lord wished me to."_

_"And why did you listen to him?"_

_Bellatrix froze, mouth half open. "I... I don't...". She trailed off, unable to say anything else._

_"You... don't know why." Sirius said, almost gently. This tenderness from an enemy had the opposite of the intended effect- a wave of determination and loyalty to the Dark Lord overwhelmed any hesitation she had had before._

_"I do know why! His mission is right and... I- I _love_ him..."_

_"But you know that he can't ever love you back, cause he's Lord effing Voldemort, eh?"_

_She grabbed the bars in the windows, cold iron searing her palms. "You take that back," she said, but much of the former venom had disappeared from her voice. "I followed him because it was the right thing to do, to make this world back into what it should be."_

_**~...why was I missing then, that whole December? I give my usual line, I don't remember...~**_

_"Was is really the right thing? Do you really believe that?"_

_Bellatrix leaned on the windowsill, head resting against the stones of the wall. "Of course I believe that."_

_"...if you say so." Sirius' tone was clearly disbelieving, and Bellatrix found a feeling of doubt stealing over her._

Why did I really follow him? If I was completely honest with myself, what would I find out?

_She shook her head, hard. It wouldn't do to be thinking such things. The Dark Lord was going to rescue her, she just knew it. All she had to do was hold on long enough..._

**_~...another winter comes, his icy fingers creep into these bones of mine, these memories never sleep...~_**

Killing Sirius had been a complete accident.

All right, maybe not a _complete_ accident. But she had never meant to slaughter the last remaining male of the Black family. Not just because of some pureblood values, either... though those had been impressed on her from a young age.

No, it was because in Sirius Black she had had someone who could almost understand her. Someone who could understand the creeping fear and despair that she still lived with, almost a year after her escape from Azkaban. Someone who had also felt themselves teeter on the brink of insanity, and who had pulled themselves back, even though insanity would have been a welcome respite from the constant pain that the prisoners on that God-forsaken island had to live with.

In Sirius' case, he had been so full of a surety of his innocence that it banished, to some extent, the power that the dementors held over him.

In Bellatrix's case, her devotion to the Dark Lord had burned in her like a flame, and like a flame had hurt her even while it was keeping her alive. As long as her loyalty and trust in the greatest Dark wizard of all time survived, nothing could keep her from trying to reach him again. No matter how badly she might have wanted to at times, there was no escape for her into the numb embrace of insanity.

Her time in Azkaban had given her strength and determination, as well as a strong, enduring wall between her and any crippling emotions, like fear or love.

Killing Sirius had shattered that wall.

**_~...and all these differences, a cloak I borrow, we kept our distances, why should it follow, I must have loved you?~_**

Azkaban, three years earlier

_Bellatrix woke to the sound of rushing feet and panicked voices._

_Which in and of itself was odd, since it had been a long time since she had heard any human voice besides Sirius'. She lifted herself off the stone- wincing at her creaking joints as always- and shuffled to the barred door to look._

_To her great surprise, a dozen Aurors were running around frantically, muttering to each other in low voices so as not to attract the attention of that random Daily Prophet reporter at the end of the hall._

_Wait a minute..._

Why is there a reporter here? And what's with all the Aurors?_ She pressed her face up against the hard metal bars, feeling them dig into her cheeks. _Did something big happen?

_One of the worst things about Azkaban- besides the dementors, of course- was how totally disconnected the prisoners were from the rest of the world. The Ministry could have been blown up and she would never have known._

_"You!" An Auror noticed her and stepped closer, wand drawn. "What do you know about this?"_

_She shrank back from the door, confused and startled. "A-about what?"_

_"Sirius Black. The son of a bitch just escaped from here. And I suspect that you-" here he pushed his wand through the bars, threatening Bellatrix, "-know something about it. Now tell me: where is he?"_

He escaped? _Bellatrix stared at the Auror, shocked. "I have no idea," she finally said, shaking her head. The Auror responded by muttering a short spell. Ropes flew out of the end of his wand, wrapping themselves around her and pinning her arms to her sides. He jerked his wand up and Bellatrix was pulled into the bars, face-to-face with him._

_"You lie. Your cell is _right next to his._ And you expect me to believe that your _cousin _wouldn't tell you, a fellow Death Eater-"_

_"He's no Death Eater," she spat. He slapped her, making her cheeks sting._

_"Shut up, bitch. Do you expect me to believe you that he wouldn't tell you?"_

_"He didn't," she responded coldly. "Unhand me, or I'll report you for abuse of power and maltreatment of prisoners."_

_He glared at her, but released the spell, giving her a final shove and sending her down in a sprawl on the floor._

_"You'll be hearing more about this." And with that parting remark, he turned on his heel and strode down the hallway, cloak fluttering in his wake. Bellatrix watched him go, a sick feeling of betrayal and loneliness rising in her._

_Why _hadn't_ he told her? The two of them had talked quite often, after all, and even though their conversations were not always the most friendly ones, she would have expected him to let it slip in a moment of anger- or at least tell her because she was his only companion._

_That was the other thing- now that he was gone, she had no one to talk to, no one to complain to, no one to share in her misery. And as much as she hated to admit it, she had almost enjoyed their conversations. And now... all she could do was wait and hope that relief from this torture would come soon._

_But her faith was wearing thin, after all these years, and now that Sirius was gone she was all alone with the questioning thoughts and the temptation of an easy escape into insanity. When every day was a battle against that foe, losing even the slightest edge over it could be crippling._

_**~...what is the force that binds the stars? I wore this mask to hide my scars, what is the power that pulls the tide, never could find a place to hide...~**_

Six months ago, the Ministry of Magic

_Even after the incident a few days ago with multiple Death Eaters in the very heart of the Ministry, they still hadn't changed the security very much. Bellatrix found it laughably easy to get back in, and had she been in a different frame of mind she might very well have laughed. _

_She made her way into a room that was hauntingly familiar- not only did it bear a striking resemblance to the courtroom where she was sentenced to Azkaban for life, but it also the room in which she had killed her cousin._

_The curtain fluttered as she drew near, as if it sensed her presence. A whisper caught her ear the words indistinct, as if the speakers were in the room next door. A shiver ran down her spine and her hand drifted to the handle of her wand, even though there was nothing here that could harm her._

_Nothing but ghosts and whispers._

_**~...what moves the earth around the sun, what could I do but run and run and run? Afraid to love, afraid to fail, a mast without a sail...~**_

_"Sirius..." she whispered, half to herself. Part of her almost expected a reply, but all she got was silence._

_Her feet carried her up the stairs to the dais, almost of their own volition. The curtain fluttered again, though Bellatrix had felt no wind. In fact, the air in the chamber was suffocatingly still, and it was becoming hard for her to breathe._

_She closed her eyes, trying to slow her racing heart. _There's nothing here to be afraid of. Just a musty old curtain and an empty stone arch.

_Then what had been the point of coming here?_

_Bellatrix pushed aside that nagging voice of doubt that kept on bothering her. The only reason she had come here was to gloat over her victory, to see once again the spot where she had finally defeated a long time enemy of the Death Eaters._

_At least, that was what she was telling herself._

_The whispers seemed to be getting louder, swirling through the still air around her like smoke. She backed away, a sudden wave of panic overwhelming her. A primeval fear rose within her, a fear that harkened back to the days long ago when man was nothing more than a pathetic hominid species huddled in caves while vicious fanged creatures stalked the night. The fear of the prey, being pursued by the predator._

_She backed up one step too far, and her foot slipped off the edge of the dais. She tumbled down the stone stairs with a muffled shriek and several very painful thuds._

_Wincing, she straightened up, rubbing her bruised head. The shock and adrenaline rush it had given her had cleared her mind a bit, at least enough to recognize how illogical it was to react as she had._

Calm down. Stop this foolishness,_ she chided herself. _It is counter-productive and childish.

_She took a deep breath and wiped her hands on her skirt, noting that her palms had been grazed by the rough stone and were now sluggishly oozing bright red blood. _

_"You there, Sirius?" she muttered defiantly. "Nice trick there, huh? But you can't scare me. You never could. And I killed you, didn't I?"_

_She stood there, a triumphant smile spreading across her face. "I killed you!" she shouted at the arch gleefully. "I killed you, in the end! Who's laughing now, Sirius?"_

_There was no answer from the arch, not even the tiniest whisper. Bellatrix stared at it, panting heavily, drained by her outburst and feeling slightly foolish for standing in the middle of an empty room, yelling at a stone arch._

_**~...the moon's a fingernail, and slowly sinking, another day begins, and I am thinking, that this indifference was my invention, when everything I did sought your attention...~**_

She couldn't stop the tears from falling from her eyes, so the least she could do was try and cry as silently as possible so that no one else would see this shame.

Maybe it was just that she'd kept these emotions hidden behind a mask of madness for so long. Maybe it was simply that she was feeling unusually lonely and afraid and these memories had just been the final straw that pushed her over the edge.

Whatever it was, there were hot tears spilling down her cheeks and over her chin as she buried her face in her pillow, something she hadn't done for years.  
What did I do?

_I killed Sirius. I killed him. My cousin._

_And now I regret it. It's as simple as that._

Regret. Pain. Loneliness. She felt like she would burst if she felt anything more.

******~... you were my compass star, you were my measure, you were a pirate's map of buried treasure, of this was all correct, the last thing I'd expect...~**

"I'm sorry," she whispered to the empty air, and she felt like all the ghosts of those she'd ever killed were pressing in around her, her cousin leading the throng. "I never meant to..."

_Liar. Try telling the truth, even if it's just to yourself._

"I did mean it. I meant to kill you. But..."

_But now I regret it. Now I wish I could call you back from the dead, but it isn't because of some pureblood ideals._

_It's because of the lost chances that I can almost touch, now, right here, but I know are beyond my reach forever. If there had never been a war... if I had never even heard the name Voldemort... if we had been born in a different time, a different place..._

_...we might have been closer. Friends, even. Something I can't even consider now. Any chance we might've had for anything beyond hatred and rivalry is gone._

_It's too late for that now._******  
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******~...the prosecution rests, it's time that I confessed...  
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******...I must have loved you.~  
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**In a completely non-incestuous way, of course. Please review! hope you didn't think it was stupid or anything.**


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